Before I became a journalist, I was a Catholic. I attended Catholic schools from kindergarten through undergrad, and I spent the first 15 or so years of my life anxiously trying – and failing – to live up to the unrealistic behavioral and social standards set for my life by the Catholic Church. I won my parish’s pro-life essay contest three years in a row. I signed a pledge in my fifth grade sex education class to remain “pure” (re: abstinent) until marriage.
I was a dramatic and obsessive overachiever who wanted to be good at everything she did. And the ultimate goodness, I was told in school, in church, and at home, was to be as faithful, prayerful, and pure as possible.
Purity culture — harmful and controlling beliefs about sex and sexuality taught to children, teenagers and young adults, often in religious settings and institutions — controlled so much of my childhood. I know what it’s like to be convinced you’re going to hell because you kissed someone for a little too long or you had a thought that was maybe a little too scandalous for the church’s liking. Thanks to Tumblr and the original Broadway cast recording of Spring Awakening, I started deconstructing – the process of unlearning the harmful religious beliefs I was taught around sex, sexuality, and my body – in my early teens. As I browsed Tumblr sex education blogs in the comfort of my childhood bedroom to the tune of “Mama Who Bore Me,” I silently untangled the shame I felt around my own teenage curiosities. Although so many parts of dating and relationships still feel like a mystery to me, I know now that there is nothing wrong with embracing everything that makes me human.
Through deconstructing, I finally understood that I am so much more than a body, and that my body belongs to me, not to a potential future husband, not to an institution that has existed and controlled people for centuries, and not to a God I’m not even sure exists. Deconstructing helped me reclaim my sexuality and my sanity. Deconstructing gave me my life back.
But I know that deconstructing can also be incredibly isolating. I’ve spoken with other deconstructors who have told me that they’ve lost friendships and familial relationships over their decision to deconstruct from purity culture, from the church, and from their faith altogether. Other deconstructors have told me that no one in their personal life knows they’ve deconstructed because “coming out” as a deconstructor could put their personal safety at risk. For many deconstructors, the process of deconstructing often means being the only person they know who’s decided to reclaim their life and their body from purity culture.
That’s why I started Unpure.
I’ve spent the last year and a half studying Engagement Journalism at the Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism. As an engagement journalism master’s student, I’ve learned the most effective ways to engage with communities, to understand their information needs, and to help bridge their information gaps by bringing the resources they need directly to them. Now, I want to use the skills I’ve learned to help other deconstructors feel less alone.
With every edition of this newsletter, I’ll send you a curated list of deconstruction events, support groups, resources, and more, all aimed at helping you meet and share your experiences with other deconstructors. If you don’t consider yourself a deconstructor, or if you are a professional who works with deconstructors and those with religious trauma, you’re welcome here, too. Unpure is for anyone who wants to learn more about deconstruction.
Unpure is for those of us who know that deconstruction doesn’t have to mean isolation.
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